Reclaim Your Self Image after Trauma

What if self-sabotage... isn’t sabotage?

Some call it “getting in your own way.”

But many trauma-informed approaches now understand it differently:

It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was trained to do—protect you.

It subconsciously chooses something—an action or inaction—that feels safer than the unknown.Even if that “safe” behavior is holding you back.

Or so you think.

There’s one often overlooked key: self-awareness.

Being aware of what’s happening—right in the moment.

Because you’re not sabotaging yourself.

You’re protecting yourself.

Even when that protection is no longer needed.

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The link between self-protection and self image

So what does this have to do with how you see yourself?

The truth is, when love or safety felt inconsistent, conditional, or absent at any point in our lives, we learned to adapt—to survive.

We become overly helpful, too agreeable, or hyper-achieving—just to feel lovable or worthy. We procrastinate, dissociate, or bury our heads in the sand—just to escape that yucky, uncomfortable feeling inside.

But these survival strategies come at a cost: our own needs get pushed aside. And eventually... they stop working.

So we try to change. We do all the hard work. And yet we loop back to the same place. Whatever we're doing, it's not working, or not lasting.

And so we blame ourselves:

“I’m not enough.”

“I’m too much.”

“Something must be wrong with me.”

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Why it doesn’t work

When the original pain hasn’t been fully healed or released, your nervous system stays on high alert. It’s always watching out for you—until one word, a certain tone or expression, sets off an internal alarm.

You get emotionally triggered—often when you least expect it, and when it’s least convenient (as if there’s ever a good time).

Your body tightens. Your heart races. You can feel it in your gut. And there’s no talking your way out of it. You fall back to your "old ways" of disassociating, over-extending, or whatever your default way is to regulate yourself, trying to feel better.

No mindset hack strong enough. No willpower that can override it. Because your your nervous system is still protecting you from something that happened sometime in the past.

Until you tell it it is safe to let you.

That you've got this.

That it is time to release what is no longer serving you.

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You don’t need to revisit the past to heal

You'll be so relieved to know that you not necessarily need to revisit the past to heal. There's no need to unpack every memory or analyze every story to find emotional freedom.

You can start right where you are—by listening to your body, and meeting yourself with the love and care you would offer your best friend.

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“I feel so proud of myself.”

That’s what one of my clients said yesterday.

Her face lit up. It was like someone turned the light on inside her.

She felt empowered—because the answers weren’t out there.

They were inside her.

She did it.

For, and by, herself.

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Be her.

Let go of what you no longer need.

Love yourself a little more.